In July 2014 I found out that I was expecting my 2nd child, I was excited that Lou would be able to bond with a sibling.
When my pregnancy was noticeable there was also a noticeable change in Lou's behaviour like she already knew what was to come.
At the same time we were told that we had 2 months' notice on our rented house. We managed to find a new build property that sounded great so we accepted quickly to ensure a roof over our heads. The stairs that lead to the front door quickly became the bain of my life!
Once Moo was born I was monitored due to having past history of depression but what I felt I believed was called 'Baby blues' I hated every minute of being in the hospital such a noisy place at night and Moo was constantly being sick. I immediately thought "I've seen this before" - dairy allergy!
When returning home Lou was curious about her new sister she wouldn't leave her alone! I'd watch her like a hawk as she'd rock the Moses basket stand vigorously! Then I noticed a step up in her behaviour and gaining attention which I prepared myself for with the new addition. She'd snatch away the feeding bottles and throw them across the room and would run and hit me if I was holding the baby. I remember videoing her repeatedly throwing any item she could lay her hands on amd launching them at me down the corridor - I videoed as noone believed that it was that bad, even after 4/5 months of having Moo at home. I found it difficult after having a second C section to cope with the demands of tantrums and attention seeking behaviour, topped with the wonderful 'stairs' to the flat! It became a mundane task to get out of the house once my partner had finished paternity leave, I shouldn't have been carrying a car seat down those 11 bloody steps with the addition of shopping bags, bags for pre school, lunch bag, etc! But I was desperate for Lou to have some stabilty and time for her at pre school. I avoided going out as it was a military opperation, I felt extremely isolated and when the Health Visitor came around I told her I didn't feel right and Lou's behaviour was difficult to control as well as recovering from a C section and dealing with hardly any sleep - which is my worst nightmare!
The response: "See your GP"
my thought: "thats impossible" I couldn't get out without being in pain and I couldn't talk to the GP in an appointmemt as Lou would have clambered all over the room and wouldn't have allowed me to talk!
I felt helpless and most evenings due to lack of sleep I just wanted to walk out (although never would) and I just kept thinking 'I'm no good at this' and 'these kids deserve better.'
When talking to the Health Visitor about Lou's behaviour she referred to my past experience "well you've worked with kids longer than me," the most unhelpful thing I could have heard at this point in time!
This conversation was in April 2015 and after putting the kids first always and properly recovering from the C section, I rang my GPs surgery and asked for an appointment.
When I got there I was told students were present in the appointment, I should have asked to speak to the GP alone but instead I talked about another ailment I currently had!
I then reached desperation point as Lou would run off from me at the bottom of the stairs, she had to be put onto reins at age 3 whilst I balanced all the bags and car seat down those stairs every morning!!!! I would mutter and cry to myself everyday over something that seems quite trivial now.
I finally bit the bullet in August 2015, after being told Lou's behaviours were down to "my parenting and lack of boundaries"
I needed help or I was scared that I'd get as bad as I'd experienced in 2007, only this time I had 2 kids in tow - they needed a strong mummy. This in mind I asked for help and was given the right medication and counselling just at the right time.
I still don't know what I really experienced I just know I was really stressed and desperate! I really appreciate being able to just push a buggy in and out of my house now after discovering that we were eligible to move as we had 2 kids under the age of 11 in a 1st floor flat.
It was the Counselling I then received that discussed whether I could in fact be a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) which explained a lot about my identity!
I'll write about this experience separately :)
When my pregnancy was noticeable there was also a noticeable change in Lou's behaviour like she already knew what was to come.
At the same time we were told that we had 2 months' notice on our rented house. We managed to find a new build property that sounded great so we accepted quickly to ensure a roof over our heads. The stairs that lead to the front door quickly became the bain of my life!
Once Moo was born I was monitored due to having past history of depression but what I felt I believed was called 'Baby blues' I hated every minute of being in the hospital such a noisy place at night and Moo was constantly being sick. I immediately thought "I've seen this before" - dairy allergy!
When returning home Lou was curious about her new sister she wouldn't leave her alone! I'd watch her like a hawk as she'd rock the Moses basket stand vigorously! Then I noticed a step up in her behaviour and gaining attention which I prepared myself for with the new addition. She'd snatch away the feeding bottles and throw them across the room and would run and hit me if I was holding the baby. I remember videoing her repeatedly throwing any item she could lay her hands on amd launching them at me down the corridor - I videoed as noone believed that it was that bad, even after 4/5 months of having Moo at home. I found it difficult after having a second C section to cope with the demands of tantrums and attention seeking behaviour, topped with the wonderful 'stairs' to the flat! It became a mundane task to get out of the house once my partner had finished paternity leave, I shouldn't have been carrying a car seat down those 11 bloody steps with the addition of shopping bags, bags for pre school, lunch bag, etc! But I was desperate for Lou to have some stabilty and time for her at pre school. I avoided going out as it was a military opperation, I felt extremely isolated and when the Health Visitor came around I told her I didn't feel right and Lou's behaviour was difficult to control as well as recovering from a C section and dealing with hardly any sleep - which is my worst nightmare!
The response: "See your GP"
my thought: "thats impossible" I couldn't get out without being in pain and I couldn't talk to the GP in an appointmemt as Lou would have clambered all over the room and wouldn't have allowed me to talk!
I felt helpless and most evenings due to lack of sleep I just wanted to walk out (although never would) and I just kept thinking 'I'm no good at this' and 'these kids deserve better.'
When talking to the Health Visitor about Lou's behaviour she referred to my past experience "well you've worked with kids longer than me," the most unhelpful thing I could have heard at this point in time!
This conversation was in April 2015 and after putting the kids first always and properly recovering from the C section, I rang my GPs surgery and asked for an appointment.
When I got there I was told students were present in the appointment, I should have asked to speak to the GP alone but instead I talked about another ailment I currently had!
I then reached desperation point as Lou would run off from me at the bottom of the stairs, she had to be put onto reins at age 3 whilst I balanced all the bags and car seat down those stairs every morning!!!! I would mutter and cry to myself everyday over something that seems quite trivial now.
I finally bit the bullet in August 2015, after being told Lou's behaviours were down to "my parenting and lack of boundaries"
I needed help or I was scared that I'd get as bad as I'd experienced in 2007, only this time I had 2 kids in tow - they needed a strong mummy. This in mind I asked for help and was given the right medication and counselling just at the right time.
I still don't know what I really experienced I just know I was really stressed and desperate! I really appreciate being able to just push a buggy in and out of my house now after discovering that we were eligible to move as we had 2 kids under the age of 11 in a 1st floor flat.
It was the Counselling I then received that discussed whether I could in fact be a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) which explained a lot about my identity!
I'll write about this experience separately :)